Time to be Honest

Hello, everyone!
Wow. This is actually really hard to post today even though it's been bothering me that it has been a while (yet again), but I really felt I needed to do it. So here we go.
As I mentioned, it's been a while. I feel like I've already made so many "starting over" or "getting back on track" posts, and honestly, I'm mad at myself for letting myself get off track so many times in the past. I kept making excuses.... either because I didn't have any "real" way to track my progress, because I didn't have anything to report, because I couldn't think of something new to say. Really though, it's because I felt guilty for not working towards my goals like I had promised myself. It is time to stop making excuses. It's time to take a step back and reevaluate, to realize that by making excuses, I'm only hurting myself and limiting my life.
In my last post I mentioned that I was going to do a 14 day trial with Beachbody, and I did. I even paid for a few months, and when I actually did the workouts, I loved it! They have amazing workout programs that really allow me to push myself. However, I didn't really take advantage of the time I paid for because my heart wasn't really in it, and I was making excuses again. That has changed, and I am "starting over" again, but this time, I'm promising myself that it will be the last time I have to start over. Now that the easier part of this post is done, on to the hard part.
Guys, it is really, really, really hard to work so hard for something, have things happen, and have most of your efforts be gone. It is so disheartening. Before I left on my mission, I had lost 54 pounds and around 90 inches off of my body, and I felt great. I never thought I would ever see my starting numbers again, and I was determined to make it so. Then I got sick. It got worse and worse, and I came home from my mission that I worked so hard to go on. It continued to get worse, and I couldn't even make my bed without being in so much pain it brought me to tears. I was depressed because my service had ended early and I couldn't. do. anything. The pounds started quickly coming back because of one of my health issues, and I started to give up on myself. Even though I was in a much better place mentally and emotionally than I had ever been before I started my journey, I was feeling super self-conscious again and was unintentionally blocking myself from seeing the love that God has for me. I was making it harder and harder to be who I really want to be.
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I decided to recommit myself, and not because of New Year's resolutions or because everyone else was making goals.... because something finally reignited the fire in me that had been lost for a while. I reached out, made plans, and budgeted. I finally signed up for the full Beachbody program for a year, and I got the tools I needed to help me succeed and track my progress. I started making small changes in my health and food habits. This past Saturday I started working out, and have made a point to schedule a specific time for my workouts each day. I told others my goals so I could be made accountable. And I've started seeing a difference.
When I got a scale last Friday, even though the number was about what I had expected (because I've been to the doctor recently and they weighed me), it was still hard to see such a big number, but I moved on. Last night I finally bought a tape measure, and measured the various parts of my body (hips, bust, waist, arms, and thighs), and I was devastated. I don't know why it hurt me so much more than seeing the number on the scale, but it did. And I wanted to cry. But then I realized something that really encouraged me. Yes, the number on the scale and my body measurements were bigger (some were smaller, but others made up for it) than they were when I began my journey, but I am still better off. I still have more physical capability than I have ever really had in the past, and because of the things I've learned in the past, I have more tools and knowledge at my disposal than I had the first time. And yes, I've fallen off the wagon several times. But I keep getting back up, and I keep trying. And that's all that matters.
This is a long post and I don't know if it will really affect any of you. In fact, I feel like this is more for me than anything, but I really hope my story is helping you in some way. On to the big point of this post, DON'T EVER GIVE UP. If you fall, get back up. If you've forgotten your goals, make new ones and write them down. If you need help, reach out. There is always someone out there who is willing to help you make your dreams come true if you let them. We are all human and we all make mistakes. No matter how many times you have to start, the important thing is you keep trying.
In the spirit of starting over for the last time, here is my new "before" photo:

Starting Weight: 256 lbs

My progress:
Current weight: 254 lbs (2 lbs lost already!)
Measurements (these are my starting ones, because I just measured for the first time last night):
Hips: 54.5"  Waist: 51.5"  Bust: 45"  R Thigh: 28.5"  L Thigh: 28.5"  R Arm: 16.75"  L Arm: 17.5"
Body fat: 60.9%